My Seasonal Reality
About twice every year I come upon the realization that I am really good looking. This realization does not show up and leave right away, it arrives -- has some tea, talks about the good ol' days, plays some Halo2 online then leaves around midnight (midnight being a while -- not the literal midnight like our time system).
This recently took place when I rediscovered the flat-iron in our bathroom. I don't want people to read this and think that I'm saying "straight hair is better" -- because I'm not, I am saying though that straight hair is awesome... and what is better than straight hair that is awesome? Straighter hair that is more awesome. It's so obvious that, while God was writing the Bible, He left it out.
What is this hidden power that the flat iron possesses? Whatever it is, it completes whatever I'm wearing. I no longer look like a run-down corporate wanna-be who shops at MEXX. Now I look like a corporate wannabe who shops at MEXX and spends some extra attention on his hair. And that's a good thing.
Stepping into this realization -- this reality -- is fantastic. My posture improves, my in-car singing improves and even typing speed sees benefit to my good looks. This noted there is one trend I've noticed that is negative: my mileage.
Do better looking people drive faster? OF COURSE! Why? Answer: They have places to go. Ugly people get amazing mileage because they can take their time and mosey on like it's nobody's business -- BECAUSE IT IS NOBODY'S BUSINESS! Nobody cares what ugly people are doing... unless they're driving slowly in front of you on a single lane highway.
Today was one of these starting points of a "good looking season". I came to work, sat at my desk and it was as if the world stopped for a moment, looked me in the face and said "Sir, you look as good as Steve Willows -- if not better". I think the next few weeks will be good -- we'll see an increase in facebook photos and a decrease in time spent online since I'll be out on the town being really good looking.
To all you people who have read this and thought, "this can't happen for me" I say, "no -- it probably won't. But you might as well buy some new clothes and change your hairstyle anyways."
This recently took place when I rediscovered the flat-iron in our bathroom. I don't want people to read this and think that I'm saying "straight hair is better" -- because I'm not, I am saying though that straight hair is awesome... and what is better than straight hair that is awesome? Straighter hair that is more awesome. It's so obvious that, while God was writing the Bible, He left it out.
What is this hidden power that the flat iron possesses? Whatever it is, it completes whatever I'm wearing. I no longer look like a run-down corporate wanna-be who shops at MEXX. Now I look like a corporate wannabe who shops at MEXX and spends some extra attention on his hair. And that's a good thing.
Stepping into this realization -- this reality -- is fantastic. My posture improves, my in-car singing improves and even typing speed sees benefit to my good looks. This noted there is one trend I've noticed that is negative: my mileage.
Do better looking people drive faster? OF COURSE! Why? Answer: They have places to go. Ugly people get amazing mileage because they can take their time and mosey on like it's nobody's business -- BECAUSE IT IS NOBODY'S BUSINESS! Nobody cares what ugly people are doing... unless they're driving slowly in front of you on a single lane highway.
Today was one of these starting points of a "good looking season". I came to work, sat at my desk and it was as if the world stopped for a moment, looked me in the face and said "Sir, you look as good as Steve Willows -- if not better". I think the next few weeks will be good -- we'll see an increase in facebook photos and a decrease in time spent online since I'll be out on the town being really good looking.
To all you people who have read this and thought, "this can't happen for me" I say, "no -- it probably won't. But you might as well buy some new clothes and change your hairstyle anyways."
Labels: flat irons, hair cuts, new clothes, poor mileage
posted by chong at 11:19 a.m.
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