Late Night with Andrew Chong
Tonight's guests: IMR lead singer left winger for the Uptown Mayhem, Andwer Lee and self-proclaimed Award-winning Radio producer extraodinaire/phenom, "ashPoon."
--------------------------------------------
AC: So Andrew, what are your thoughts on sexuality?
AL: It's so awesome.
AC: ash, yourself?
aP: Well, sexuality is like a seven-headed goat; a goat without legs.
AL: ...you can't take it anywhere but you've got lots of company.
aP: But the problem with this goat is that it has no legs, and hence NO OPPOSABLE THUMB. Which means, that sexuality is awesome.
AC: Andwer, what is on your heart?
AL: Surf ministries in Australia.
AC: Tell me more.
aP: ChAndrew (Chong-Andrew), what you fail to understand is you can never count the number of Jupiter's moons when you yourself are not in a moon counting state. Now, look into the crystal ball and you'll see that a Boyz II Men song is just that.....a song about boys changing into the proverbial men. Once you stumble blindly upon this revelation, no woman on earth will resist you. Except umbrellas.
AL: I love the beach, the surf, the sun, christian girls.
TH: DING!
aP; Oh yeah. That's right. You better believe that this quote is prefaced with a semi colon. You know why? I only have half a colon. I gave the other one to my friend. He was lonely. And in need of a colon. He was also hungry. And then he ate the half of colon. And then finished the meal with some neopolitan. Top that! ...............(with peanuts).
AC: Now, *sigh*, everyone wants to know. Would you makeout with your mom for 60 seconds for one millions dollars?
AL: If she makes me dinner, yes.
aP: For one million dollars! Ha! I'dhave all the money in the world right now if that were the case.
TH: DING DING DING!
AC: Oh, hi Heidi. Tell me...what fragrance is that?
hm: jalepeno havarti & pizza pop by J Lo.
AC: ooooGad. Ladies. Speaking of ladies, why are women so...so...kitchen-related?
AL: They love the kitchen. They always want to bake stuff and do the dishes.
TH: No Andrew, you got it mixed up man. That's Flowers.
AC: scenario, a jew, a black man, and you are in a bar. The bartender says: who's picking up the tab...what happens next?
aP: The black man starts to bring out his wallet but then the jew feels threatened so he pops a cap in the black man's black buttocks (pardon my french). Unfortunately the cap is really just a child's toy sort of cap that just makes noise and gives of a minute amount of smoke so the black man ends up not being very hurt at all. In fact, physically, he's not hurt at all. But emotionally, he is destroyed because the jew wants to spread the hate. The black man is like a fragile water lily: delicate, soaking wet and green.
So the black man goes into the men's washroom and takes out a big brick of cocaine. He flushes the cocaine down the toilet and yells at the toilet, "I hate you. You are a big meanie and I hate your white buttocks (pardon: french)".
That's when I walk in to the washroom cause I ate beans earlier and I've got to go. Oh yeah, and the black man is my friend cause we were having drinks together. Except I don't know his name so I don't how good of a friend he is.
So anyway, I see my black brother from another mother forsaken the drug that has held him captive for so long, emotionally broken and lonely....and I put my arm around him to console him.
"Dude, you married a lesbian....so I mean....how good could it be? Life, that is. I mean...she's always wanting...you know...it......you know.....to go to the gay pride parade....and of course, there are just way too many P's and D's in the phrase so....you know....it keeps you awake at night. But dude, you've got to realize that you fail to understand is you can never count the number of Jupiter's moons when you yourself are not in a moon counting state. Now, look into the crystal ball and you'll see that a Boyz II Men song is just that.....a song about boys changing into the proverbial men. Once you stumble blindly upon this revelation, no woman on earth will resist you. Except umbrellas.
And now, a haiku:
Slowly, gently, air
Snow falling arbutus
Farley Hoffman Cruise
Eat it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC: Now it's time for...WORD ASSOCIATION WITH ASH.
Horseshoe
- salsbury
Miracle
- ice
Deliver
- chinese
Double bounce
- that's two words
D cup
- hellllloooooo
Andrew Lee
- hellllllllooooo
T-bags
- goodbye
Angela
- AL: "good morning" aP: "yup!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Jurassic Park
- hellllllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Water Hazard
- your face
Flavour country
- snooze city
mucking time
- excuse me? john muckler
Three-way
- no waaaaaaaaaaaay
Jessica Simpson
- hasg;lkhgalkgnoooowaaaaaaaaaay
Pussy....................................................... cat dolls
- *beeeeeeeeep*
Jewish
- rich?
Scent
- Alanis Morrisette...she has that song
The colour aqua
-purple
Male
- phillipino
Showcase
-showdown... AL: "channel 39 *suggestive tone*"
Heidi
- flice
Rice
- yummm
Used condom
- used jelly donut
AND THAT'S ALL PEOPLE...
and now Ash's Final Word:
Some people were offended, but what can you honestly do? This wasn’t a “fluff” project, and I wasn’t going to pull my friends in or out of certain categories just because they’re my friends. I played this by the numbers — the numbers you and hundreds of others helped provide with their nominations and votes. If you feel you were unjustly nominated for whatever category you were nominated for, thank your friends and the readers of your sites.
TH: DING!
--------------------------------------------
AC: So Andrew, what are your thoughts on sexuality?
AL: It's so awesome.
AC: ash, yourself?
aP: Well, sexuality is like a seven-headed goat; a goat without legs.
AL: ...you can't take it anywhere but you've got lots of company.
aP: But the problem with this goat is that it has no legs, and hence NO OPPOSABLE THUMB. Which means, that sexuality is awesome.
AC: Andwer, what is on your heart?
AL: Surf ministries in Australia.
AC: Tell me more.
aP: ChAndrew (Chong-Andrew), what you fail to understand is you can never count the number of Jupiter's moons when you yourself are not in a moon counting state. Now, look into the crystal ball and you'll see that a Boyz II Men song is just that.....a song about boys changing into the proverbial men. Once you stumble blindly upon this revelation, no woman on earth will resist you. Except umbrellas.
AL: I love the beach, the surf, the sun, christian girls.
TH: DING!
aP; Oh yeah. That's right. You better believe that this quote is prefaced with a semi colon. You know why? I only have half a colon. I gave the other one to my friend. He was lonely. And in need of a colon. He was also hungry. And then he ate the half of colon. And then finished the meal with some neopolitan. Top that! ...............(with peanuts).
AC: Now, *sigh*, everyone wants to know. Would you makeout with your mom for 60 seconds for one millions dollars?
AL: If she makes me dinner, yes.
aP: For one million dollars! Ha! I'dhave all the money in the world right now if that were the case.
TH: DING DING DING!
AC: Oh, hi Heidi. Tell me...what fragrance is that?
hm: jalepeno havarti & pizza pop by J Lo.
AC: ooooGad. Ladies. Speaking of ladies, why are women so...so...kitchen-related?
AL: They love the kitchen. They always want to bake stuff and do the dishes.
TH: No Andrew, you got it mixed up man. That's Flowers.
AC: scenario, a jew, a black man, and you are in a bar. The bartender says: who's picking up the tab...what happens next?
aP: The black man starts to bring out his wallet but then the jew feels threatened so he pops a cap in the black man's black buttocks (pardon my french). Unfortunately the cap is really just a child's toy sort of cap that just makes noise and gives of a minute amount of smoke so the black man ends up not being very hurt at all. In fact, physically, he's not hurt at all. But emotionally, he is destroyed because the jew wants to spread the hate. The black man is like a fragile water lily: delicate, soaking wet and green.
So the black man goes into the men's washroom and takes out a big brick of cocaine. He flushes the cocaine down the toilet and yells at the toilet, "I hate you. You are a big meanie and I hate your white buttocks (pardon: french)".
That's when I walk in to the washroom cause I ate beans earlier and I've got to go. Oh yeah, and the black man is my friend cause we were having drinks together. Except I don't know his name so I don't how good of a friend he is.
So anyway, I see my black brother from another mother forsaken the drug that has held him captive for so long, emotionally broken and lonely....and I put my arm around him to console him.
"Dude, you married a lesbian....so I mean....how good could it be? Life, that is. I mean...she's always wanting...you know...it......you know.....to go to the gay pride parade....and of course, there are just way too many P's and D's in the phrase so....you know....it keeps you awake at night. But dude, you've got to realize that you fail to understand is you can never count the number of Jupiter's moons when you yourself are not in a moon counting state. Now, look into the crystal ball and you'll see that a Boyz II Men song is just that.....a song about boys changing into the proverbial men. Once you stumble blindly upon this revelation, no woman on earth will resist you. Except umbrellas.
And now, a haiku:
Slowly, gently, air
Snow falling arbutus
Farley Hoffman Cruise
Eat it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC: Now it's time for...WORD ASSOCIATION WITH ASH.
Horseshoe
- salsbury
Miracle
- ice
Deliver
- chinese
Double bounce
- that's two words
D cup
- hellllloooooo
Andrew Lee
- hellllllllooooo
T-bags
- goodbye
Angela
- AL: "good morning" aP: "yup!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Jurassic Park
- hellllllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Water Hazard
- your face
Flavour country
- snooze city
mucking time
- excuse me? john muckler
Three-way
- no waaaaaaaaaaaay
Jessica Simpson
- hasg;lkhgalkgnoooowaaaaaaaaaay
Pussy....................................................... cat dolls
- *beeeeeeeeep*
Jewish
- rich?
Scent
- Alanis Morrisette...she has that song
The colour aqua
-purple
Male
- phillipino
Showcase
-showdown... AL: "channel 39 *suggestive tone*"
Heidi
- flice
Rice
- yummm
Used condom
- used jelly donut
AND THAT'S ALL PEOPLE...
and now Ash's Final Word:
Some people were offended, but what can you honestly do? This wasn’t a “fluff” project, and I wasn’t going to pull my friends in or out of certain categories just because they’re my friends. I played this by the numbers — the numbers you and hundreds of others helped provide with their nominations and votes. If you feel you were unjustly nominated for whatever category you were nominated for, thank your friends and the readers of your sites.
TH: DING!
posted by chong at 12:28 a.m.
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